Decisions

It's been a trying month full of decisions, the hardest being where to move. With any decision the hardest part is weighing pros and cons. The second is sticking to a choice. The great part about decisions is no matter how crappy, we still get to choose. Which reminds me, it's the California primary today. Vote. Make the decision to be a participate, and earn your right to bitch about this country and its seedy politicians. 

Grace

Victories

This week I got my first publishing contract. I’ve written stories for many years never intending to publish them. This year I wanted that to change, and I’m blessed to have this goal come to fruition. Seven Minutes, a novella, was picked up by Dreamspinner Press and is slated for a December/January release.
I’ve got several stories in progress and have been working diligently now that my health has returned. I’ve also been writing music, which occupied most of my week. Adding to the craziness that is life, I’ll be moving in mid-June. As of now I’ve no idea to where exactly aside from it being closer to Burbank, and by closer I mean an hour or so.
Personal victories, on any scale, are worth celebrating. Somedays getting out of bed is a victory. Other days our dreams come true. The point is, victories come every day to us; it’s just a matter of seeing them and celebrating them.

REVIEWS!!!
I’ve read many books I’d like to share with you:

Like a Lover (Housemates Book 2) Jay Northcote
Josh, to avoid accumulating debt, works as an escort to pay for college. When one of his client’s fails to meet him at the bar, he catches the eye of a hot man, a man he’d sleep with regardless of payment—but that’s not an option.
Rupert is immediately attracted to Josh, and though he’s never paid for sex before, he has to have this man. All too quickly, Rupert finds himself falling for Josh, getting jealous he’s with other men, and wanting to spend every weekend with him. It’s a good thing Rupert has some serious cash because Josh isn’t cheap.
Rupert and Josh’s relationship develops, and their feelings develop beyond client and escort. Josh can’t afford to have a relationship, especially with a jealous man, and Rupert can’t have Josh sleeping with other men, not when he’s got enough money to take care of Josh’s needs. And yet to Josh, that’s simply a different form of prostitution.
I like all the books I’ve read by Jay Northcote. This story bares resemblance to “Pretty Woman,” without doubt. But I loved that movie, and I enjoyed this m/m version of it. If you’re looking for a light, feel-good read, this is your book!

Salvation (The Protectors, Book 1) Sloane Kennedy
Ronan lost everything the day he lost his lover. From that day forward, his Hippocratic Oath meant nothing. He became an Angel of Vengeance and used the money his fiancé left him to start a business righting the wrongs the Justice system failed to correct. There’s only one problem: the brush of Seth’s lips haunted him, threatened to deconstruct his carefully build world of vengeance and retribution for his dead lover.
A violent home invasion took the lives of Seth’s parents and almost killed him. With one kiss, he also lost the man he’d been pinning for since he was a teenager; it didn’t matter Ronan had been his brother’s fiancé. When Ronan is forced back into his life, the undeniable—and molten hot—fire between them pits their relationship into a tug of emotion full of angst, anguish, and reluctant love.
I LOVED THIS BOOK! I enjoyed the first of the series, Absolution, but Salvation had some of the hottest, angst-sex I’ve read since Clouded Hell. The tension between Ronan and Seth was beautifully written, unfolding and developing like a slow on-coming orgasm. Kennedy provided a refreshingly unique environment for her main characters and an equally refreshing history to create such a powerful relationship for Ronan and Seth. I’m very much looking forward to the next book in the series. Read this one. You won’t be disappointed.

In Front of God and Everyone Nealy Wagner
Josh lived in what most people called a cult where if anyone knew he liked men, one in particular, he’d been thrown to the curb—literally. Josh loved his friend, Caleb, though he’d never tell him. Caleb was straight.
Their utopian life came to a halt when Josh gets thrown out, and like always, his good friend protected him, even though it meant they had to face the real world without money or a place to live. There was one perk: in the real world Josh learns other people are gay and not chastised for it. Too bad Caleb, the only man he’s ever wanted, isn’t gay…or is he?
 Josh is sweet, innocent, and naive. Thankfully, Caleb is far more outgoing and willing to break the rules. Together, they balance each other, and as their trust blooms for each other and the new friends they meet, their relationship gets deeper…until an expected visitor threatens their happiness.
Religious cults, or cults of any kind, make me cringe. People stuck in situations because they know no better way of life makes me cringe. Add the two together and Imma go punch someone. But it does make for a good story. I recommend this read for when you want to bash some skulls and fall in love, though are uncertain which appeals more.

Keep Me Still Steven Hoppa
Travis ran away from his past life and did his best to survive. Pizza delivery boy didn’t have a promising future, until it brought him to Cody’s doorstep…or giant bear.
Cody’s secluded cabin kept him safe from everything—except cute deliveries boys who ruined the damn bear statue he meant to take down. Cody sees Travis is hiding something and Cody wants to heal him, help the young man face the pain he so clearly avoids. And he knows just how to help Travis surrender and release. So what if it involves being tied up? All the better.
Travis trusts Cody and surrenders to his dominate fetishes. But happiness can’t last, not for someone like Travis. Cody has secrets, and one of them is downright deadly.
Secrets and sex? Who doesn’t love that in a story? Add in a little bondage and you’ve got a steamy romance. Cody’s one of those guys you could snuggle up to at night and know if anyone unwanted came around, he’d kick their ass to protect you. Travis needed to heal from his pain and Cody was his perfect match.
This book will take you to a backwoods cabin where leeches, angry goats, and some mean asshats exist. Perfect for a late Spring read.

Thoughts about Balance and Review of Always Forgotten

Balance.

This week had extreme highs and lows. The highs were successful contract negotiations regarding my husband’s work. The lows were the bronchial infection has returned, or perhaps never went away, and as an additional bonus I’ve acquired a throat infection of some nature. More antibiotics. Let me tell you being on antibiotics for over a month has made me near suicidal at points. The drug effects me in such a way as I’m typically not prone to such depression. So what’s going on? Many major changes are approaching and I’ve let them stress me the f*ck out. My body is warning me to take time out and rest. I hate resting. I want to write, play piano, sing, create music, walk, run, and practice yoga. I don’t want to sit in bed and watch Netflix. I’ve read so many books thanks to my Kindle Unlimited account (otherwise I wouldn’t be able to afford to read all of them).

This coming week, once contracts are signed, is a new beginning for my husband and me. We’ll be moving in a few months and I’ll have to find a new job after we settle in. Primarily, I’ve got to get healthy and rest now, as much as I hate to admit it, because there’s a whirlwind of fun work ahead.

When aspects of our lives are unbalanced it manifests as illness. Some believe where that illness occurs is indicative to where balance is needed. Research chakras and illness to see where/if you need a little more balance.

REVIEW: Always Forgotten L.M. Brown

“Everyone who spends a night with Caleb forgets him right after they leave. Then they meet the love of their life before the end of the day.” Ethan’s friend Philip tells him. Ethan skeptically makes an appointment for a one night stand, hoping he will find the love of his life as well. When chemistry strikes, Ethan is convinced Caleb is the one and he does everything he can to stay with Caleb--a man he doesn’t remember. Caleb, however, remembers Ethan and desperately tries to make their relationship work. Will the warlock that cursed Caleb 200 years ago let the man find happiness or will he tear the two lovers apart?

I like the concept of this story and overall it was a good read. I would’ve liked more depth to each of the characters, especially since Caleb was over 200 years old and had a rich history to explore. When Ethan professes he wants to be the one for Caleb, Caleb pushes aside his cynicism and lets himself believe he and Ethan can work it out. Though Ethan forgets who Caleb is after every time they have sex, somehow Ethan's body remembers the cursed man. With the assistance of videos and notes, they learn to manage their relationship until the warlock returns. Displeased with Caleb's new found happiness, he alters the curse ruining Caleb and Ethan's relationship. But is their love too strong for the warlock’s power?

This book was a fun, short read (96 pages). I enjoyed the story and would most definitely read another book by L.M. Brown.

Recommended Books and Deep Thoughts

March was a bitch. I hated March. I spent the entire month being sick, tired, and grumpy. One of my many sources of income requires student recitals. I performed yesterday, and two out of three performances went very well. The first one I barely survived. My hands shook while playing piano. I swear the notes disappeared from the page. I tried all my usual tricks to overcome stage fright, which you’d think after performing for nearly twenty years I’d be over it by now, and none seemed to help. The audience didn’t notice my mistakes. Everyone said it sounded wonderful. But I knew. The thing is, I should forgive myself of this performance and move on. I will. There were a bunch of excuses I could use legitimately to cover my ass—exhaustion, getting over pneumonia, hadn’t performed in over a year—but I don’t want to use them because the other performances went so well. The point, as I see it is, no matter how well prepared we think we are for something, unforeseen shit happens and we just have to roll with it and do the best we can in that moment. Improvise. Accept. Learn from it and move forward.
Being sick has allowed a substantial amount of time to read. The following books I’ve enjoyed quite a bit and highly recommend and in no particular order:
Who doesn't love a frustrated billionaire looking for the perfect sub with whom to fall and love and spoil rotten? It's kinky love at it's best.
http://www.amazon.com/Loving-Master-Manse-Lynn-Kelling-ebook/dp/B018496PW0








Shattered. Not just broken, heartbreaking. Haken beautifully developed the two main characters, and I struggled with them, my heart broke for them, and I cheered for them. I read this in one day. A isolated head of a publishing company meets a new employee and quickly finds himself enjoying his company a little more than he expected. The only problem with it is he knows he's broken and doesn't deserve love.
http://www.amazon.com/Broken-Nicola-Haken-ebook/dp/B01CEUZT40




The mood is dark, the sex full of angst. The son of a mobster loves a good underground fight, and when he decides to expand his business to a tiny shit-hole town, he meets the very man capable of satisfying his need, a need that if anyone discovered, especially his mobster father, would make him appear weak and potentially cost him his life. I felt like I walked through hell with these MCs. There is BDSM, hot angry sex, fighting, and a very satisfying ending.
http://www.amazon.com/Clouded-Hell-J-R-Gray-ebook/dp/B01DB0B4GO


Seven years can change many things. Finley got a note to come home, and he intended to get the man who sent it out of his system once and for all. When he sees him again, the memories come back, and the love Finley thought he could stomp out only grows like a wildfire. Finley is faced with a decision to continue his successful career as a lawyer or stay in his home town with the professor he loves. I loved this story. Of all the books I've listed, this is the most lighthearted one and it'll make you feel good.
 http://www.amazon.com/Finley-Sunset-Cove-Series-Book-ebook/dp/B01D8PTUQS

WARNING: This is not a standalone novel. I finished this book and was desperate for the second book. I mean like a dog in heat, I wanted the second book so much...but...it's...not...out...yet! These characters, Blake and Cade, grow and learn, and engage in some kink. Their dynamic will have you panting, swearing, and pinning away for them. Secret pasts, relationship hang ups, daddy issues, yeah. Read it. You'll like it. But if you want a feel-good ending, it's not here, not yet.
http://www.amazon.com/Shattered-Past-Anne-Pine-ebook/dp/B0131HHBBE


Witches, vampires, demons, and politics surrounding the city of Boston, which I'm partial to because I grew up there, set the backdrop of this well-written urban fantasy. Vampires aren't my thing and it put me off from reading this for a long time. I'm glad I pushed that prejudice aside. This is a fantastically thought out story with a very three dimensional main character. The bond between him and his vampire is so hot, it drips sex, even when they're not having sex. Nothing sparkly or teen angst like here. Give it a chance, even if you are over the vampire thing. I think you'll be happy you did.
http://www.amazon.com/Necromancers-Dance-Beacon-Hill-Sorcerer-ebook/dp/B01C8VW8GC

Talent

Talent.

Everyone has a talent of some sort. We usually equate talent with the arts, but there are so many other gifts. For every profession there is talent behind it. Maybe our talent is simpler, maybe it’s the way we care for another person or animal. The point is, all of us have talent, and it is up to us to recognize it and use it to help us become the best person we can be. It makes life easier and more fun when we do.

One of the biggest issues with talent is comparing our gifts with others. I’m very guilty of this, and I’ve let it stop me from writing music on many occasions. When we think we shouldn’t bother doing something because so many others do it better than us, its not only untrue it’s detrimental. There is only one you. No one else does exactly what you do, and no one else does it exactly how you do it. Your talents inspire and influence others. You may not be aware of it, no one may say anything, but I assure you, it’s true. I’ve heard it time and time again, usually when I think no one gives a rat’s ass about what I’m creating.

Maybe you don’t know what your talent is. Take stock in the things that make you the happiest. Maybe it’s gardening, being a good parent, cleaning…it doesn’t have to be something artsy or something that produces a material product.

Maybe there’s something in your childhood you used to enjoy and stopped doing because someone critiqued you negatively. There is always some asshole willing to put you down; it makes them feel better about what they are lacking in life. I was once told I sounded like another artist, then he added a lovely backhanded compliment, “only she can sing.” I could’ve let that crush me, but I let it take me to the next level. He was still an ass. Our talents, at any stage of development, are rarely perfect. Like anything else, we must nurture the raw talent, and if we want to improve, move forward and seek those who are better than us in order to grow.

As a writer, I’m so green, I could be related to Kermit. My grammar, in case you can’t tell, isn’t exactly my strong point. But I am learning. I’ve talked with other writers, hired an editor, looked up grammar rules on the Internet. I don’t expect perfection, and that is liberating. Who can create anything when constantly judging and second- guessing? Don’t be afraid to learn or ask questions about your talent/passion.
As you go into this week, think about your talents. If you don’t know, ask others what they think you’re talents are. Usually, we have more than one thing we are good at doing. Find the one that makes your heart happy this week and make a vow to nurture it.